In a spirit of Praise~*~*~*

I love my God my father who is gracious and merciful, who knows who I am, who accepts who I am, and loves who I am. Me just for me. Who is like unto this Lord who gives me peace in the midst of all storms? Who takes away my hurt so that I know it not and can recall it no more. He who fixes that which the world has broken, and in His hands molds it like new. He is creator, my beginning and my end, Our Alpha and Omega. To Him who forgives all I can surrender all. They say He is an awesome wonder …My Lord God Almighty He who was and is and is to come. Oh if only I could tell the world and they would know of His mercies and His love. He is the Father, He is the Son, He is the Spirit for they are one. I am in a spirit of praise because His perfect peace has entered my soul and as it stands it’s the best feeling I know...~*~*~*

Hola

I am like so revived. This week has been so hectic. It all begin on Sunday with the bulletins. I am a bit ashamed to admit it because I love it but the pressure of the Saints and their love of the bulletins and the wrath of if its my fault that they are not ready is enough to give me Hives. Then I had a paper due which I never got around to because i went to a play on Tuesday. So Wednesday I cut class and boy do I feel better much better. Like I believe I can fly. So this week I am working on 2papers and 1 final but i think i can i think i can!!!. I'm am to blessed to be stressed. I just have to remember... God never intended for me to be average He purposed for me to be extraordinary. So while my human experiences are somewhat trying, I try....

Happy Birthday!!!!

April is the birth month to 2 of our authors, Chosen & Sincere. So I wanted to wish you a Happy Birthday! Plentiful blessings, overwhelming joy and many more years ahead.

Cleaning House... Where My Ring At?

The "M" word bothers me. It bothers me something terrible. If I see it in a book, the Sunday newspaper or when I see a friend that I haven't seen in a while and I ask how they are and they in turn say to me "I'm married now"... like Shug Avery in The Color Purple.

Somehow, some way, for some reason it troubles me. It stirs up my emotions much like seeing a bunch of pregnant women in the spring and summer time.

This kind of started last year when a friend of mine, a co-worker who I used to date, told me that he was getting married. At the moment that he said it to me, I truly think that my breath left my body as if I was punch in the belly. I felt like Jill Scott expressed in her song "My Love".






I was in denial saying things to myself such as "he can't be getting married", "we have unfinished business". But then I realized that a whole 5 years had passed since our last date and 3 years since we held a decent conversation. After many months of thinking it through I realized my real feelings were "When in the world am I getting married?".

I thought I made peace with it years ago when I decided to wear rings on my ring finger to signify my devotion to me and my own true happiness. That is fine and well but the reality is when I go home, I go home to me and me alone. I would love to go out with a spouse and share in that type of experience. I'm 32 and while never having a child, I have never even been proposed to and sometimes it saddens me.

Today though I decided that I've held on to this emotional hurt too long and decided to do something about it. I must make peace with it.

I must make peace with:

• Never being proposed to
• Feeling that I'm not worthy of being someone's wife
• Looking for marital status to validate me

I affirm myself with:

• I know that I deserve Love and accept it now
• I give out Love and it is returned to me multiplied
• My life is a joy filled with Love, Fun, Friendship and all I need do is stop all criticism, forgive, relax and be open
• I choose Love, Joy and Freedom
• I open my Heart and allow wonderful things to flow into my Life

I'm Hurt

Girl, I know that you predicted this but can you believe that its off again. Like really oh boy must think that i am a yo-yo or something. I can't understand what would have ever led to the false belief that I was anyone other than me. Which leds me to believe that maybe oh boy never really knew me at all. So would you believe that yesterday I cried. Which is kinda what oh boy wanted because he didn't believe that the ice box had feelings. Unbeknowst to him my tears wet the dirt that covered the coffin that held the relationship which suffered a fatal heart attack because the demands where just not realistic and I had done all the changing I was gonna do.
It hurts to change and realize its not enough, to be yourself and realize they are looking for you to be someone else, to find your best friend only to realize that your best friend is more interested in being your lover. So it is with a heavy heart that I announce that passing of loss love. In lieu of flowers I am requesting that donations be made to the love,faith,hope fund in the name of True Love.

I'm on the 29th level

As I approached this 29th level I have been doing a lot of self reflection and I am currently in the process of an attitude adjustment.

Never Would Have Made It!

Believe it or not, I sometimes have this ridiculous notion that I can exist on this planet alone, pull myself up by my own bootstraps, I can lean and depend on me. There are a few friends that I can call on, they offer some support, a portion of advice. I read a lot and I'll read a book that's inspiring but then there are times when I'm left with this void.

Sometimes I find struggle. I realize that my finances are tight. I see that my friends have their own lives and can't be available to me all the time. I'm arguing, fighting, and simply miserable, unhappy.

Then "something" happens, it always happens because first and foremost I know that I'm a spiritual being but I'll hear a song, read a scripture or talk to someone and realize I am not alone and I can't make it in this life by my own human strength. Then the resistance that I've been building up that protects me like a good solid gate should begins to crumble.

That's what has been happening to me until last Friday. I was having a bad day. Having a fat day. I was beating myself up really good too since I just got paid and knew that by the end of the weekend I would have less than $100 left in my account. Then I walked into my apartment and turned on the radio and heard this song. I took off my coat, my shoes and the tears fell right along.

YEP! It's 4 Real???

Yes K.Lu, this is for real!!! We spoke about this idea a few weeks ago when you told me you finished the book (In The Meantime by Iyanla Vanzant) and I realized that I finished it a few years ago which was during the beginning stages of my... friendship, relationship, involvement with my Special Friend (SF).

When I could actually read through the book, instead of putting it down after just a couple of chapters, letting it collect dust for a few years and then picking it up again after my heart has suffered another ache, I was transformed. My thinking changed, the way I conducted myself in my relationship, the things I let bother me, etc, etc. However sometimes I tread down the stairs from the higher level and find myself sitting, brooding and upset in the basement.

On our journey as is described in the book, we will:

• Clean our houses... disinfect our minds and sanitize our hearts
• Examine love...What it looks like; What it feels like
• Examine love... gone wrong, love gone stray, love in disguise
• Consider situations and people who have the greatest impact on the development of our belief about love
• Examine and explore the things we sometimes do to find love, keep love, experience love

TRANSFORM OUR HUMANNESS INTO DIVINITY

Romans 12.2:
"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds, so that you may discern what is the will of God—what is good and acceptable and perfect."

Is this 4 real???

Kelley, Girl if only you knew what spot/moment in time this blog came. On this day before I step into my next phase, I have found myself having a meantime experience like no other. Well thats not totally correct because I have been around this mountain before , And just when I begin to reason that i had perhaps been misguided or lost my way I checked my e-mail for the 100th time today and got my invite. The one that would not only help to liberate me but allow me to walk this road with others. I am so speechless right now because I see that i am right where I need to be. I am living my life and loving it in the MEANTIME. So heres to my development....... I am excited and open to what the future holds for me.

Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain: that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you. John 15:16